Do you want to have more clients, make more sales, or succeed in any negotiation?
There is a secret to it, and you’ll know you did it when you hear only two words. I’ll tell you what they are later, but first, you need some background.
Almost everything in life is a negotiation. Whether you want to enroll a client, sell a product, get a raise, increase your fees, buy a car, prevent a mutiny, or pick a place for a night out with your spouse.
The more effective you can negotiate, the more likely your success.
Let me offer some advice from Chris Voss, who used to deal with life and death negotiations when he was a hostage negotiator. Before that he was the lead international kidnapping investigator for the FBI.
Do you think if what he did worked with bank robbers and terrorists that you can likely use it to succeed with normal people? I think so.
The key is to understand emotional intelligence more than trying to convince someone into doing what you want.
Rather than getting someone to agree with you, it works better to show them that you see them and you understand them.
People want to be heard and understood, and that is the secret.
How do you do that? Whoever you’re dealing with you’ll know you’ve accomplished this when you hear two simple words.
When you hear, “That’s right,” you have succeeded. Not, “Your right,” but “That’s right.”
When you repeat something back to someone and they say to you, “That’s right” it means they believe you understand their perspective or issue. They are telling you that you understand and that you’ve nailed it.
According to Voss, reaching this point of understanding is “revelatory in the art of negotiating.”
When someone thinks you hear them, it’s not just touchy-feely or sentimental. When someone feels heard, they actually listen to what they’re saying and can evaluate their own words that are coming out of their mouth. Research confirms this.
What this means is they can even change their own mind, without you having to say anything more. When they verbalize, they can clarify their own thoughts and feelings. I experienced this myself when talking to a therapist.
The bottom line is this – when you empathize with another person you are operating with a critical part of persuasion.
You don’t have to agree with the other person, you are simply letting them know you understand and they have been heard.
When you’re listening and repeating back what was said, you will know if the other person feels heard when they say the magical two words, “That’s right.”
Are you ready to repeat what you hear and listen for the words, “That’s right”?
To Your Prosperity,
Rennie
